Updated: Nov 22, 2020
If you can’t hear me then you can’t see me
When we communicate with someone, we can say a lot; yet if that person is not willing or able to listen to us seriously, genuinely and with an intention to understand instead of just reply, we will not be heard nor seen the way we want to be perceived. At the same time, a person can be a good listener, but if we don’t speak our truth, we cannot be understood. This is particularly relevant in situations where we are emotionally involved. Such situations require from us to express a certain aspect of our being in undisguised way, and be honest about how we feel in that moment. This demands lowering the shield and the armor that we use in everyday life to protect ourselves, and to preserve the image of being strong, good, successful or valuable.
A tug of war between the need for help and the need to appear strong
This need to appeal to others prevents us from lowering the shield of self-protection. Although we may feel stuck in a given situation, we find it difficult to talk to others (colleagues, friends, family) in an honest way, and to admit that we need help and support. We would rather keep the pressure and confusion hidden inside us. At other times, we honestly want to admit that we have been wrong about something, even though we feel sorry, and we would like to ask for forgiveness. But, it is difficult to cross that bridge. In such situations, two things happen in synchronicity. On the one hand, we would like to be seen and cared for; we want to open up this insecure part within us, to get in touch with other people, and to receive their support. On the other hand, we desperately try to hide this longing for understanding and protection; we just want to cover it up. We do not want to show our insecurities. In most of the cases, this suppressing part takes control over the part of us which would really like to open up and share.
The economy of social connections: you can be love-worthy without offering something in exchange
We feel uncomfortable and awkward asking for help if we are not able to offer something in return. We try to solve all things in our life without asking other for help, and although we would like to ask for support, we do not dare. The root-cause of this behavior is a sub-level belief of not being worthy enough by just the virtue of being, without having any additional value to give.
Self-revelation can solve this continuous loop. It gives us the courage to, at crucial times and in crucial circumstances, allow our own vulnerability be genuinely expressed. We have the capability for this; we are really good at being open when we feel joy and happiness. When we are happy, we open up genuinely; we show more of ourselves; we share our humanity without overthinking; we stop being concerned about rejection or abandonment; and we open up effortlessly, even to people whom we do not know well. When we are aligned with ourselves, we are really capable of this.
But when we feel insecure, we tend to look away and hide this aspect of our authentic self. We activate our protective mode, which is a sign that we want to stay in control. This is a masculine expression of our energy. We become quick to judge our feeling of insecurity as our weakness. The protector tries to hide this weakness. And thus by not showing our true self, no-one can see or understand what we are going through, and our notice our need for support. How can we overcome the inner belief of not being love-worthy at times when we would rather stay in silence than take the risk of opening up? In these moments, shame can easily take over, as all we want is to avoid abandonment and rejection.
No-one wants to spend a life alone; we are hard-wired for social connection. When we show ourselves with shortcomings, weaknesses and mistakes that we have made, our fear of not being worthy of connection grows. Many of us carry a subconscious belief of not being worthy by just being in this world. It is always about striving, achieving and adding value. We fear devaluation and rejection, when we are actually looking for connection. When we combine shame with silence and secrecy, it grows. This becomes a vicious circle. It becomes a self-fulfilled prophecy.
Meditation as a game-changer
The connection to our divine energy helps us cross the bridge. No matter what the challenge is, we first need awareness and consciousness about the things that cause this discomfort in us. We need to identify the thoughts and perceptions which have brought us here. We also need to know how we perceive ourselves in such situations — we need to have the ability to look at ourselves first. We need to turn inwards, as all these answers are found within ourselves. Reveal yourself to yourself.
That is where meditation steps in as a total game changer. It is a systematic way to turn inwards, because it first follows the alignment with our own breath and it then calms the mind. This calm mind helps us to gain clarity and understand ourselves. Additionally, when the world of thoughts comes to rest, something amazing happens. Regular meditators experience getting into the space of fundamental peace and confidence. In meditation we allow ourselves be, and we look at ourselves from distance, with a perspective of an observer.
Researchers have examined the effect of meditation of the brain. The brain structure of meditators changes in significant ways. There is less density of the grey mass around the amygdala, which is important for processing stress and anxieties; there is more of this grey mass at the regions responsible for empathy and self-perception. Meditators understand that they are way more than their thoughts and feelings.
Self-revelation though meditation helps us overcome shame, follow our intuition, and open-up to the energies of emotion
Shame, up to a certain level, is not always bad. Shame makes us compatible in a social way. It keeps us from crossing borders that might otherwise lead to rejection by the group we want to be a part of. But in modern societies, this feeling of shame has grown exponentially. We are always asked to me more individual and to become more worthy by consuming more. While we should not abandon completely the feeling of shame, we should not let it grow too much, because once it does, it takes control over who we are. Meditation helps us to gain clarity, balance and tranquility. It enables us to impartially understand our emotions and needs.
Once we expand our consciousness through meditation, we can be guided by our intuition. Our intuitive voice will tell us whether or not we should open up to a particular person. Sometimes, intuition will indicate the right time do so. This connection to our Higher Self gives us the wisdom make such decisions.
Emotions are energy in motion. Emotional energy sent out to us in self-revealing, genuine manner, rarely transform negatively. It way more often creates connection, because action coming from your humanity creates response coming from humanity.
Access the Global Master Talk on Self-Revelation by Jana Siedenhans here:
Jana Siedenhans is a consciousness-coach, meditation teacher, facilitator and keynote speaker based in Germany. She has found her spiritual roots in Australia. She works with individuals and businesses from all over the world, including clients in the USA, Europe and Asia.